I am married to an interventional cardiologist. Thanks for sharing your story. Now it's easier, as they are older, and he's making more time for them. If you are dating a Mormon man or woman, be genuinely interested in their religion. Last year i met a wonderful neurosurgeon and within 6 months he told me he was in love with me. In many ways, she was everything that I ever wanted in a spouse, but in other ways she was not what I ever expected. I used to be religious when I was a kid.
That is a goal worth fighting for. My wife expects me to understand her situation but whiles I am willing to understand, I wish she would make some effort to etch out some quality time for us when she is not stressed out and grumpy and irritable. She sounds so indoctrinated that like even if you try to get her to open up, who knows you might get like a BJ out of it doesn't sound like it but who knowsyou have to realize that a lifetime of conditioning will be set in motion in her mind that will make your life hell. Now those are not the problems in my head anymore, whats in my head is how arewe goin to deal with this, ive told her sometimes u wont have anytime for me nor for your kids if we decide to have kids you wont be at the holidays nothing like that and she is always tryin to see everything positive and tells me dont worry ill schedule myself, and im like baby you will not be able to schedule urself your life would be in a hospital. There is no freedom to think, no freedom to speak your mind, and no freedom to do anything that 'the brethren' say not to. The date night strategy is a great idea, and we have tried it, but he is sometimes on call every other night for a month and it makes it tough the nights he's on call he likes to be home just in case and the nights he's not on call, he needs to sleep in case he's up all night the following night.
I made the decision not to have those things when I married a non-member. Also, if you have girls, you must realize that they are second class citizens in the church and the church will reinforce this idea. By those standards, I was a failure, my husband wasn't "good enough" - and my daughter had ambitious real goals that required a lot of time and effort. Does that make sense. You should certainly still date even if you are not looking for a marriage partner. Yes, I have considered alternatives.
In the end people have to make their own decisions. Whatever you do, just don't let on to your child ren that you and their father are in disagreement. If she says that the mission was the greatest experience and best two years of her life, any chance you have at a normal long-term healthy relationship is dim unless you convert. I really enjoy your blog and your humor. Earlier I mentioned "Even if the church believes a bunch of crazy nonsense, and she believes it too, I still really like her and would like to see whether we can have some good intellectual conversations about this stuff.