These are also only the American statistics. Your opportunities may not. You should also be willing to date other people. A lot of people are religious. We have almost daily prayers, scripture reading, and lengthy discussions about our beliefs.
I have heard for ten years that my spouse is "second fiddle. You can consider some positive activities and allow you to communicate and learn from each other. It's not fair to put words in her mouth and thoughts in her brain like this. I hate to say it, but I don't see this ending well. These are also only the American statistics. My Buddhist husband likes Mormons and even going to church. Look up all the threads of people who are dealing with their true believing spouses -- the guilt, the silence, the bad communication, the hostage-taking. I just happened upon your blog I'm a doctor's wife as well - rural family medicine and I just wanted to agree with you that "have no expectations" is awesome advice. We had lots of sex and fun. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.
Keep the relationship casual. Please wait a few minutes and refresh this page. I get to spend my life with someone who was not raised on fear and guilt and strict gender roles. There will always be difference between spouses.
Secondly, if he's still in residency, he has to prevail and give it his all. He has changed a lot throughout this process, but I don't know what he will be like once we are finished. On your own dime. That was my experience. Ask questions, try to find out as much as you can. As time has gone by I realized that the opinons of others is not important to me and oddly enough those who did not originally approve have had their hearts and minds changed by the love my husband shows me, our daughter, and the members of my family. I would leave him note reminding him how important his work was.